There are enough big personalities in Italian football to populate an entire cinematic universe.
The compelling world of calcio provides more drama, controversy and intrigue in a single game than most anticlimactic big budget superhero borefests. As a dedicated film fan I frequently wondered if some of the most compelling characters in Serie A were in the wrong profession.
So why not group them into an acting class?
My starting XI is made up of Italian players in a loose formation and just for clarity all references are to American actors and films. It’s not my intention to upset anyone or cause any harm, the list is all imagined and just for fun.
The Don – Marcello Lippi
The modern Godfather of Italian football coaching.
As an all-knowing tactical genius the Paul Newman doppelganger led the Azzurri to World Cup glory in 2006. Nobody will dispute his status as a calcio legend.
On his looks alone he could have been a calculating kingpin on the big screen, feared and admired in equal measure. Instead of Marlon Brando, picture Lippi plotting to gain the upper hand in the Five Families power struggle. A cloud of cigar smoke fills the air as he issues carefully worded advice to his close cabal of cronies.
In the real world the ex-Juventus coach feels most at home beside the water and hails from the Tuscan seaside city of Viareggio.
While in an alternative cinematic existence the band leader sends out orders for those that betray the family to be dealt with away from dry land, much like Michael Corleone when brother Fredo broke his heart in The Godfather Part II.
The extrovert – Walter Zenga
Spiderman was a real life superhero for Inter.
The acrobatic goalkeeper oozed charisma and was never afraid to speak his mind during a colourful career in the Serie A spotlight. Comfortable in front of the camera and a great orator, Zenga presented his own sports show, released an album, featured in reality television shows and worked as a commentator.
He would have few problems transitioning into acting. Versatile enough to perform as a charming ladies man or a loquacious con artist, the ex-Italy number one has the personality and confidence to play any role.
The Consigliere – Paolo Maldini
Classically handsome, composed and successful, the former Milan legend once turned down the chance to model for fashion designer Giorgio Armani. I can picture the five time Champions League winner in an entirely different setting.
Unflappable and reliable, the Italy icon is the perfect candidate to offer discreet and wise counsel as a valued member of a crime syndicate.
In 25 years as a professional he only picked up three red cards and often played peacemaker as others lost their heads. It would be a tall order to keep the likes of other potential clan colleagues Rino Gattuso, Pasquale Bruno and Marco Materazzi in check but as a negotiator and authoritative decision maker Maldini would be unrivalled.
The leading man – Alessandro Costacurta
Blessed with film star looks the central defender was always in the shadow of the great Franco Baresi at Milan.
Perennially underrated the man nicknamed Billy could have achieved top billing as a main player in the movie world. A flexible performer on the pitch it’s not too much of a stretch to envision Costacurta’s name up in lights as a good looking lead. Instead of punditry he might have played the headliner in a slew of romantic comedies.
The instigator – Marco Materazzi
A wind up merchant of the highest order the Matrix baited the very best and still ended up a World Cup winner.
Some choice words provoked Zinedine Zidane into a stunning headbutt and red card as Italy overcame France to become world champions in 2006. A feud with Zlatan Ibrahimovic also resulted in a trip to the hospital after a fierce altercation in the Milan derby. Materazzi also had a personal vendetta against Andriy Shevchenko and lashed out senselessly at the Rossoneri striker on more than one occasion.
When viewed as a compilation his wanton history of on field violence does have something of a cinematic quality. Who better to play a bothersome gang underling working from the inside to advance his own cause or an annoying neighbourhood bully?
Materazzi does have some acting experience. He played himself in the football themed film L’allenatore nel pallone 2 (2008) and voiced a character in an Italian dubbed episode of The Simpsons.
The hitman – Pasquale Bruno
Don’t mess with the animal or its lights out.
A brutal stopper with a fearsome nickname the ex-Torino hard man is now an assassin for hire. Bruno wrote his own macabre chapter in the dark arts of defending and is set to terrify Hollywood’s finest in a new villainous role. In reality he’s a predictably outspoken pundit but I still think could make it as a fictional gun for hire.
A maniac on the pitch (and probably the dance floor) he was the protagonist in his own personal series of the ugly game.
From a horrific stamp on Brescia forward Florin Răducioiu’s shin which needed nine stitches to patch up, to making grave threats to Roberto Baggio and punching and slapping Dino Baggio, he spared no one.
In an Oscar worthy paroxysm of rage he had to be restrained by Toro team-mate Gianluigi Lentini as he completely lost it following a red card in November 1991’s Derby della Mole. Away from the action he was apparently a mild mannered character.
The right-hand man – Alberico Evani
The ideal candidate for an understated role alongside the big boss.
An accomplished midfielder who won three Serie A titles and two European Cups with Milan, the left footer had the look of a character actor. A captivating presence without stealing the show he was a stylish operator in a successful team as a player.
Evani would not be out of place just off centre stage in The Godfather trilogy as a loyal, trusted ally who would do anything to protect the clan.
The enforcer – Rino Gattuso
A one man show whose over the top performances in the middle of the field enthralled Milan fans for years.
There was always something of a method in his madness even if the hot headed whirling dervish didn’t always help himself. Channelling his unrestrained energy and volatile temper into a credible on screen display would be a challenge for even the most accomplished of directors.
I think he might fit the bill as a wild aggressor on call, paid by the job to intimidate and coax answers from those previously unwilling to talk. Someone who would make you an offer you couldn’t refuse.
Even Joe Jordan might be forced to comply with his demands.
The pretty boy – Alessandro Matri
The journeyman striker with the matinee idol looks seemed wasted on the football field.
A pin-up with many admirers he could have swapped calcio for the bright lights of Hollywood. Handsome enough to make it big as a movie star he enjoyed a decent career and was capped seven times by Italy.
Never one of the star names in Italian football, it’s not unthinkable that he might have been effective as a cinema heartthrob. Matri continues to make an impression on the small screen as a football pundit.
The loose cannon – Mario Balotelli
Worthy of a documentary short on the questionable art of putting on a training bib, Super Mario is a director’s dream.
Whether driving into a women’s prison out of curiosity or setting off fireworks inside his own bathroom we still expect the unexpected from the former Inter and Italy striker.
Although many of the outlandish stories concerning the unpredictable Balotelli were apocryphal – and he does seem to have settled down slightly in recent years – he could be counted on to trigger a Deus ex machina in any genre of film.
The maverick – Antonio Cassano
During a peripatetic career the temperamental forward inadvertently emulated Robert De Niro’s method acting in Raging Bull by famously piling on the pounds after a move from Roma to Real Madrid.
Known for his outbursts and tantrums on and off the field – dubbed Cassanate by the Italian media – the ex-Roma and Sampdoria attacker could always be relied on for an incomprehensible rage fuelled Joe Pesci style diatribe. Cassano was notorious for his theatrics as a player and would no doubt receive a starring role in any film produced by self-confessed Giallorossi fan Massimo Ferrero.
The alchemist – Roberto Baggio
A miracle man capable of turning even the rustiest piece of scrap metal into gold, the Italy legend was the subject of the 2021 biographic film Il Divin Codino.
Immortalized in advertisements, songs, video games and even mentioned in an episode of comedy classic Father Ted the famed Buddhist would be an enlightening presence in any movie. A reluctant superstar who prefers to stay out of the public eye, it’s unlikely we’ll ever see Baggio on the big screen.
Nevertheless, I can visualise him in a cameo role as a mediator who brings a brief measure of calm to a heated mob summit before making a sharp exit from proceedings.